To share or not to share?

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After last week's slightly tongue in cheek post about duvet stealing, this post is about ways to share a bed in comfort.

Historically people have always shared beds as beds, bedding and even extra bedrooms were expensive and prohibitive. It was only the super rich that could afford to have separate bedrooms. In the past if you were a single traveler you may well have shared a hotel bed with a total stranger. Siblings, if not whole families, would sleep together in the same bed.

There is also the simple fact is that as a general rule, humans do sleep better on their own. Everyone seems to have slightly different needs in terms of warmth, bed softness, space etc. Against this is the need to balance the need for intimacy in a relationship and studies have shown that sleeping separately can impact negatively on relationships.

So what to do if you do want to sleep in the same bed but have different needs?


Respect different body clocks
A night owl married to a morning lark is a nightmare combination for bedtimes, the good news is that the majority of the population are hummingbirds and can adapt to either. However some people do prefer early bedtimes while others would like to stay up an hour or so more. If this is your situation then have a discussion with your partner. Maybe they are not being lazy in the mornings but genuinely getting some restorative sleep? Perhaps it's not the lure of another TV show that is stopping them coming to bed with you but a real feeling that they are not tired. If you do opt for different bedtimes then make sure you have some shared bedtimes, perhaps at the weekend, to keep a level of intimacy within the relationship, as this allows for and respects different sleep needs.


Buy as large a bed as possible 
Though falling asleep wrapped in each other's arms seems the romantic thing, we actually need a lot of space when sleeping and a larger bed will help with this.
If you both like different levels of support from a mattress then it is possible to buy two different mattresses that zip together.
Although buying a new bed may seem like a huge investment, it is the place where you will spend a third of your life and can help reduce stress levels in a relationship. Is that not worth paying for?

Have two different duvets
Although I joked about this last week this is a very easy and practical solution if one person prefers warmer bedding and the other throws of heat (and the covers) during the night. It is also possible to buy different duvet weights that again zip together.

Technology
What to do if one person likes watching TV to fall asleep and the other prefers peace and quiet? As a general rule technology in the bedroom disturbs sleep rather than enhances it, so I do recommend taking out TV's and computers. How about listening to a podcast with earphones, or investing in a 'speaker pillow' that you can plug your mp3 player into. A little light than you can clip onto a book is less intrusive than a bedside light. Likewise eye masks and earplugs can help too. Discuss and compromise, one person should not be making all the sacrifices as this will cause resentment.

Pets
An area that needs discussion and agreement however pets have no understanding of respecting bed space and if they are disturbing your sleep, then they should not be allowed to sleep on the bed, hygiene issues aside, they simply take up to much space. If necessary then they can be trained to sleep on their own bed in your room.

These are just a few suggestions, I would love to hear from you any thing that you have found useful, please comment below.

Sweet dreams. 

Sleep Gadgets

I'm not sure what you're like, but I know that in my quest for a perfect night's sleep I tied out a few gadgets and gimmicks in the hope that they worked.
Most of them did not.

It's a minefield out there, trying to distinguish the hype from the truth and the fact that, as more and more people are reporting that they are sleep deprived, it is becoming a big business sector with many brands jumping on the bandwagon.

These are a few things that I have tried over the years, the list is not exhaustive and are only my feelings, but it would be good to start a discussion. I have not included herbal or alternative medication in this post.

Mattress - There is now a plethora of mattress types out there, all proclaiming to help you get a good night's sleep. They are a huge investment so which one do you choose?
The general advice is to replace them every 10 years and I would support this. In my backpacking days I slept on many a poor quality mattress and had a poor night's sleep. Sagging springs do not support the body and therefore will decrease the quality of your sleep.
As for the style of mattress - this is more a personal choice. A good bed showroom will let you lie on the mattresses and try them out. What is comfortable for one is not for another. If you are a couple that prefer different mattresses then look into getting the style where two different types can be zipped together. I personally find the foam mattresses very hot yet others swear by them. Take your time and try different shops and styles till you find one you like, do not be rushed into buying the first you come across.
Be wary of internet bargains - you can not try them out, what may seem like a good price may result in a low quality mattress. Also be wary of second hand, not only do you not know how old they are, they will have been 'shaped' by someone else's sleeping style. Also there are reports of bed bug infestations spreading through the use of second hand beds and furniture.
I have had a good quality orthopedic mattresses for a long while, it cost more than the basic mattress but was not overly expensive.

Pillows - again this is very much an area defined by personal preferences. I have been converted to the contoured pillows that give you neck support. I started using one because of a lot of tension in my upper back, I found it a little odd at first but now find it difficult to sleep with out one and end up bunching a 'normal' pillow under my neck to recreate the feeling of support.
Fortunately pillows are not as expensive as mattresses so a little trial and error will not cost the earth. Good bed shops will also have different pillows that you can try.

Magnets - A few years ago there was some hype around using magnets in pillows and on undersheets to help improve your sleep. I invested in a small sheet to try it out. I could feel a difference in my circulation (it improved that) but it did not really improve the quality of my sleep.
Magnetic therapy is also claimed to help those with arthritic and joint pain, and of course pain can stop you sleeping well and is a well know cause of insomnia. If you were in this category and wanted to try magnetic therapy, perhaps try a wristband to see if there is any improvement before making larger investments. Also look out for money back guarantees.

Massage machines - again there are certain types of massage machines on the market that claim t help improve sleep quality. The benefits they offer can be debateable. If you are stressed then yes, having a massage can help you relax and then sleep better, so they can help in the treatment of sleep problems rather than effectively cure them.

Sleep monitors - there has often been a huge difference in the amount of sleep that people think they get and the amount of sleep they do get. Traditional methods to show this have mainly revolved around keeping a sleep diary or going to a sleep centre and being 'wired up' for the night. Recently, with the improvement in technology there are some sleep monitors that you can buy and use at home. These, however do not always give accurate results with people reporting that the monitor bands slip off during the night, or register periods of inactivity as sleep, when the users report they were awake but just not moving. Also these monitors just record the amount of sleep you get, they do not improve the quality or length of sleep.

White noise/sound machines - these play background noises and music to either block out other noises or to provide a constant noise to help you fall asleep. I have to say that sometimes I have listened to music or meditations before going to sleep as this helps switch of a racing brain, though have not needed a special machine to help me do this. If you are sharing your bed then it is possible to buy headbands with inbuilt speakers and pillows that you can plug your ipod into so that your partner is not disturbed. If listening to music helps you sleep, it maybe worth checking these out.
If you want to see if white noise could help you sleep, then try running a small electric fan in your room to see if that helps before investing in a special machine.

After many years of trying different approaches, and finding some that helped a little or not at all, the only one that worked long term was following a structured behavioural therapy approach to actually retrain my body in the art of falling asleep and staying sleep. It was an effort at first but it was only for a few weeks and the benefits have been longer lasting than anything else I have tried.