After last week's slightly tongue in cheek post about duvet stealing, this post is about ways to share a bed in comfort.
Historically people have always shared beds as beds, bedding and even extra bedrooms were expensive and prohibitive. It was only the super rich that could afford to have separate bedrooms. In the past if you were a single traveler you may well have shared a hotel bed with a total stranger. Siblings, if not whole families, would sleep together in the same bed.
There is also the simple fact is that as a general rule, humans do sleep better on their own. Everyone seems to have slightly different needs in terms of warmth, bed softness, space etc. Against this is the need to balance the need for intimacy in a relationship and studies have shown that sleeping separately can impact negatively on relationships.
So what to do if you do want to sleep in the same bed but have different needs?
Respect different body clocks
A night owl married to a morning lark is a nightmare combination for bedtimes, the good news is that the majority of the population are hummingbirds and can adapt to either. However some people do prefer early bedtimes while others would like to stay up an hour or so more. If this is your situation then have a discussion with your partner. Maybe they are not being lazy in the mornings but genuinely getting some restorative sleep? Perhaps it's not the lure of another TV show that is stopping them coming to bed with you but a real feeling that they are not tired. If you do opt for different bedtimes then make sure you have some shared bedtimes, perhaps at the weekend, to keep a level of intimacy within the relationship, as this allows for and respects different sleep needs.
Buy as large a bed as possible
Though falling asleep wrapped in each other's arms seems the romantic thing, we actually need a lot of space when sleeping and a larger bed will help with this.
If you both like different levels of support from a mattress then it is possible to buy two different mattresses that zip together.
Although buying a new bed may seem like a huge investment, it is the place where you will spend a third of your life and can help reduce stress levels in a relationship. Is that not worth paying for?
Have two different duvets
Although I joked about this last week this is a very easy and practical solution if one person prefers warmer bedding and the other throws of heat (and the covers) during the night. It is also possible to buy different duvet weights that again zip together.
Technology
What to do if one person likes watching TV to fall asleep and the other prefers peace and quiet? As a general rule technology in the bedroom disturbs sleep rather than enhances it, so I do recommend taking out TV's and computers. How about listening to a podcast with earphones, or investing in a 'speaker pillow' that you can plug your mp3 player into. A little light than you can clip onto a book is less intrusive than a bedside light. Likewise eye masks and earplugs can help too. Discuss and compromise, one person should not be making all the sacrifices as this will cause resentment.
Pets
An area that needs discussion and agreement however pets have no understanding of respecting bed space and if they are disturbing your sleep, then they should not be allowed to sleep on the bed, hygiene issues aside, they simply take up to much space. If necessary then they can be trained to sleep on their own bed in your room.
These are just a few suggestions, I would love to hear from you any thing that you have found useful, please comment below.
Sweet dreams.
Historically people have always shared beds as beds, bedding and even extra bedrooms were expensive and prohibitive. It was only the super rich that could afford to have separate bedrooms. In the past if you were a single traveler you may well have shared a hotel bed with a total stranger. Siblings, if not whole families, would sleep together in the same bed.
There is also the simple fact is that as a general rule, humans do sleep better on their own. Everyone seems to have slightly different needs in terms of warmth, bed softness, space etc. Against this is the need to balance the need for intimacy in a relationship and studies have shown that sleeping separately can impact negatively on relationships.
So what to do if you do want to sleep in the same bed but have different needs?
Respect different body clocks
A night owl married to a morning lark is a nightmare combination for bedtimes, the good news is that the majority of the population are hummingbirds and can adapt to either. However some people do prefer early bedtimes while others would like to stay up an hour or so more. If this is your situation then have a discussion with your partner. Maybe they are not being lazy in the mornings but genuinely getting some restorative sleep? Perhaps it's not the lure of another TV show that is stopping them coming to bed with you but a real feeling that they are not tired. If you do opt for different bedtimes then make sure you have some shared bedtimes, perhaps at the weekend, to keep a level of intimacy within the relationship, as this allows for and respects different sleep needs.
Buy as large a bed as possible
Though falling asleep wrapped in each other's arms seems the romantic thing, we actually need a lot of space when sleeping and a larger bed will help with this.
If you both like different levels of support from a mattress then it is possible to buy two different mattresses that zip together.
Although buying a new bed may seem like a huge investment, it is the place where you will spend a third of your life and can help reduce stress levels in a relationship. Is that not worth paying for?
Have two different duvets
Although I joked about this last week this is a very easy and practical solution if one person prefers warmer bedding and the other throws of heat (and the covers) during the night. It is also possible to buy different duvet weights that again zip together.
Technology
What to do if one person likes watching TV to fall asleep and the other prefers peace and quiet? As a general rule technology in the bedroom disturbs sleep rather than enhances it, so I do recommend taking out TV's and computers. How about listening to a podcast with earphones, or investing in a 'speaker pillow' that you can plug your mp3 player into. A little light than you can clip onto a book is less intrusive than a bedside light. Likewise eye masks and earplugs can help too. Discuss and compromise, one person should not be making all the sacrifices as this will cause resentment.
Pets
An area that needs discussion and agreement however pets have no understanding of respecting bed space and if they are disturbing your sleep, then they should not be allowed to sleep on the bed, hygiene issues aside, they simply take up to much space. If necessary then they can be trained to sleep on their own bed in your room.
These are just a few suggestions, I would love to hear from you any thing that you have found useful, please comment below.
Sweet dreams.
