Time to dream

One of the things I enjoyed about being an insomnic was that it was fairly easy to remember my dreams. I woke several times in the night, so there would be a different dream to recall each time. Even now that I sleep well, I still have the ability to easily recall my dreams.

I became fascinated by my dreams in my late teens and brought a dream interpretation book, put a notebook and pen by my bed and began to record my dreams. I still have the book, it is very battered and dog eared and the cover is nearly falling off. Now there are several dream interpretation sites online, (here's one) but I still refer to the old book from time to time - it's a lot quicker than switching the computer on at night! A lot of these websites are American so you may have to type in American words not English ones to get the meanings.

People have been fascinated by dreams over the centuries and have analysed and interpreted them, some believe they tell the future and others that they help diagnose physical health. In modern times Freud and Jung felt that dream interpretation was a key to the unconscious mind.

If you want to remember your dreams, you need to start writing down all that you remember immediately when you wake up. Lie still and think about all that you remember. At first it may only be a snatch or glimpse of a longer dream. Write down everything but don't attempt to make sense of it. The more you do this the better your recall will become. I find the easiest way is when I recall a scene and have noted it, I ask myself 'How did I get there?' and am able to remember what happened before and then I work back in stages. Also note down your emotions and how you feel. I have had some dreams which on recall have been intensely happy and sometimes overwhelmingly sad.

When you can start to recall more details from your dreams then you can start to research what they mean. This is the interesting bit!
I tend to go with an overall feeling first and what struck me as being the important elements and after having found that out, I then look up the smaller more detailed aspects that fill in the gaps.
Due to the fact that you incorporate noises and outside events into your dreams, you need to be careful about what dreams you choose to interpret - if you live near a railway and constantly dream of trains, be aware that you may be incorporating the noises you are hearing as you sleep. Also alcohol and eating late at night may produce vivid and imaginative dreams but again these should be discounted.

You may find you have recurring themes in your dreams. For a couple of years, whilst going through a long, drawn out process of being made redundant, I used to dream about boats (which symbolise your journey through life) sometimes they would be big ships and other times small rowing boats. When I was in a relationship that deep down I knew was going nowhere, but was reluctant to end, I used to dream of being chased and trying to hide, when the relationship ended, so did the dreams. I also dream of flying and I feel so good in those ones, even long after I have woken up.

With practise you can even start to control your dreams with lucid dreaming. This is great fun. All that is needed is for you to be aware that you are dreaming and then you can start to put in elements that you want to happen in life. Athletes use this for improving their performance, you can practise asking your boss for a pay rise etc. Personally I have found that if I try and push a dream in a certain direction and it won't go there - blocks are put up in the dreams, then it is a lesson for me that maybe this isn't the right direction for my life to take.

My favourite dream of all time? I was swimming in the sea with George Clooney, we were snorkeling over coral and then sitting on the rocks, basking in the sunlight. That was a great way to spend the night!

Sweet dreams!

The perfect bedroom

In the last post, I encouraged you to look at your bedrooms and see if they could be made more sleep friendly by taking things out. This time, it's about putting things in!!

Doing these things is not going to cure insomnia overnight, but will definitely help. A lot of insomniacs dread going to bed as it brings up associations with not sleeping, with lying in bed awake, tossing and turning, in fact bed is associated with everything but sleep.
In order to start changing this mindset, it helps to make your bedroom somewhere where you want to go, a place that you want to spend time in.

In my London flat, the bedroom was the last place I decorated. My logic went along the lines of the other rooms - where I would be spending most of my waking time and where I would entertain, seemed to be the most important to get looking good. So by the time I got round to my bedroom, it had already become a dumping ground and the thought of moving all the stuff out seemed too daunting, so I kept delaying and delaying! Then when I did get round to painting - I painted it a bright and cheery yellow.

In hindsight all these things were big mistakes and I was not creating a calm, relaxing place to sleep.

Since then I have done a lot more research into sleep and especially (the horribly clinical sounding) 'sleep hygine'. It all makes sense!

Your bedroom should be a calm, relaxing place to be and my bright yellow walls were more stimulating than calming. So think about your colour scheme - is it calming or stimulating?

What is your bed like? Does your mattress need replacing? It is recommended to replace them every 10 years. It is also worth spending quite a lot on a good quality mattress that supports your back. It can seem a waste to spend a lot of money on something as simple as a mattress, but you do spend a 3rd of your life in bed, might as well be comfortable when you're there! Take your time buying a mattress, spend an afternoon or two trying out different ones, go on, lie on all the beds in Ikea!! I like a good quality sprung mattress, but if anyone has tried the tempura ones, please comment below and let us know what they are like.

How about the bedding? I like pure cotton, it feels so good! I also prefer white sheets, this may be something to do with Feng Shui that I learnt in Hong Kong, but it could be just because I like the look, the reasons are lost in the mists of time. I also have one of the 4 seasons type duvets and even in the winter have them in two separate duvet covers as I like to be able to adjust the temperature. I also have a feather duvet as I was going for luxury and the feelgood factor, but again, this is a personal preference. I also sleep on an anatomical pillow. At first it was strange but now I really like it and don't feel as if I have the same support from a traditional pillow. I also have a feather pillow that I hug!

The bedroom should also be slightly cooler than the other rooms, as again this helps sleep. I know that I find it difficult to sleep in a heated room and like to have the window open.

I know some people swear by blackout blinds. I did have one when the bedroom window was East facing and the sun would come in early in the morning, but apart from that one place have not felt the need for one. What about your bedroom window, would one help you?

So look through the list and think about the different areas and if there are things you could change. You may say to yourself - but I need to have 3 pillows, but if you are not sleeping with 3, is it worth trying something different? You could be saying - I need to warm whan I sleep, but again, could this be something to change to see if you sleep better?

I used to read these articles and ignore them, but the reality has been that changing things, little by little, has improved my quality of sleep. I love going to bed, I know I'll be cosy and comfortable and that helps a lot when I'm going to sleep. Let me know what works for you - it could really helpful for another reader too.

Sweet dreams!

Clearing the clutter for sleep

As an insomniac, one of the things you tend to do is read a lot of information about sleep and how to get it. If a magazine article promises you a great night's sleep, I would buy the magazine in the hope of the one magic tip that would transform my night's of wakefulness into ones of blissful slumber. Usually they would repeat the same old things - don't have caffeine in the evenings, exercise, warm bath, use the bedroom for sleeping only etc, etc. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, " I'd say to myself  "I've not drank caffeine for x years, do a job like mine and you exercise all day, I fall asleep in the bath but not in bed,  try not using your bedroom for anything else when you live in London...." 

You see my home in South London was the top floor of a semi-detached house that had been made into flats. Due to this it, had an unusual design feature of a huge bedroom that was bigger than the living room. This meant that I used it to store all sorts of things in there - the ironing board, the hoover, piles of books etc, basically it had a lot of stuff in there. A lot. Somewhere amongst it all was my bed, with a lot of stuff stored under it. At that time I was not ready for changing my sleeping habits and I did not take any of this 'strange' advice easily and put up barriers as to why I couldn't change things.

When I came to France, I ended up in this amazing flat with 4 metre high ceilings - which gives it a great feeling of space. It has a bedroom, bathroom, mezzanine and a huge open plan living/kitchen area. The bedroom is tiny and could just about fit a double bed in and not much else. I realised that for the space to work for me I'd need to use the bedroom as my massage room (it's the perfect size for that) and sleep in the mezzanine above the bathroom. With the help of friends I managed to get my bed up there (you have to go up a ladder) and fortunately - not much else will go up there. The mezzanine is quite low and I can't stand up properly in it but I can sit up in bed, so I just spend my time up there sleeping. 

I now understand why all these magazine articles tell you to use your bedroom for sleeping. It is now an area that I associate with sleep, it is calm up there and not much to distract me. As I need help if I want to take anything up there that needs to be held with more than one hand, there is very little there. Now when I go up there, it is because I am tired and am going to bed. This strong association has helped my brain make a link between bed and feeling sleepy and, in turn, has helped me improve my quality of sleep.

Now I can really see why clutter is a problm for sleep. I worked with one client who showed me a picture of her bedroom and she had so much clutter in there it was hard to get to her bed. How can that be a productive environment for sleep, when your stuff is actually crowding in on your bed? Another woman mentioned that she slept on the sofa as her room had got to such a state that there was too much clutter actually on the bed! 

In coaching circles there is a lot of emphasis on clearing clutter. It helps you let go of the past and gives you physical space to allow more into your life, whether that be a new job or relationship. If your finances are in a mess, and you have no idea of your income and expenditure then the first thing a financial advisor will tell you to do is to sort out your paperwork and set up a budget. It's the same for sleep - if you want to attract more sleep into your life, then a peaceful tidy bedroom is going to be preferable in helping you relax and unwind after a busy day rather than a messy dumping ground! I would really encourage you to make your bedroom a place for sleep.

Take out the computer and the television

Go through your wardrobes and donate old clothes to charity (let someone else benefit from it!) 

Go through books and get rid of the ones you will not read again

Be brave and find out what is under the bed

Are there other places you can keep the ironing board and vacuum cleaner? (Can you clear a space elsewhere?)

Hopefully there won't be too much to do, but if it does seem like a daunting challenge start with one drawer or cupboard and see how much better you feel after completing that. I promise you, you will.

So arm yourself with a binbag for things to throw out, a box for charity donations and a box for recycling, put on some energetic music that makes you want to dance and have fun! 

If you would like moral support, motivation or just a plain old kick up the backside to get you started then why not join our Clearing the Clutter for Sleep live event (for free) on Saturday 28th September? Click here for more details. 

Sweet dreams.

My insomniac lifestyle

In order to start a blog about sleep and to explain my chosen niche as a sleep coach, I need to explain a little about myself.

I was an insomniac for as far back as I can remember, it really did start as a child - which does make sense. My parents were keen on early bedtimes for us as children, I think, like most parents, it was a mix of wanting an evening to themselves as well as knowing that a good night's sleep is important for children's development. The problem for me was that it got to the point were my sleep needs decreased and I wasn't tired when I was sent to bed. My sister and I would sit and chat and mess around in our bedroom, often earning the rage of our parents, who would frequently tell us "Go to sleep, NOW!" This got me into the habit of not associating bedtime with sleep, and during your childhood your brain is easily programmable - great for learning, not so great for bad habits.
My Dad was a Dr and would sometimes be called out in the night, which led to another habit of waking in the night when the phone went and staying awake till he got back.

By the time I was a teenager I thought it was totally normal to go to bed and not fall asleep for an hour or so. It took a camping trip for me to notice how everyone fell asleep really quickly and I was the only one awake, tossing and turning and not sleeping, though I still didn't think there was anything wrong with this.
Over the years the aspects changed slightly. When I went to college I started drinking several cans of coke each day and not getting to sleep till 5 or 6 in the morning. I'd spend the day in a daze and then sleep better the next night. It was a 2 day cycle of sleep/no sleep. I still thought this was relatively normal.

For some reason (lost in the mist of times) I realised this was not normal and perhaps I was an insomniac. I went to see the Dr who asked me how tea and coffee I drank (not much as I never really liked coffee, and only drank a little tea). He then asked about coke and nailed my sleeping difficulties on that. I came off all types of caffeine at the grand old age of 19.
It helped - I remember my Mum telling me there was a difference in my behaviour and I was much more easier to get on with. However the problem was already too deeply ingrained and I was still not sleeping properly. The insomnia also began to change and it wasn't so much a problem of falling asleep but also one of staying asleep.

Over the following years I have had an interesting journey with insomnia. I learnt coping strategies, tried every over the counter medicine going, argued and cried in Dr's surgeries when refused sleeping tablets, stumbled across odd helpful things (bedsocks!), thrown magazine articles claiming to cure insomnia 'in 5 easy steps' against the wall, brought meditation tapes, lived from nap to nap, tried hypnosis, read lots of books, had meltdowns at work after long stretches of 'bad' nights, missed out on social events as I was 'too tired', laughed like a drain when other people complained of one night's bad sleep, etc. Generally putting a lot of effort into something that most people do easily without even thinking about it.

Recently a combination of different strategies has helped me enormously and I now sleep well with the occasional bad night. The world feels so different!! It has been through a mix of CBT, EFT and LOA processes, that helped me discover the causes of my bad habits and gave me powerful ways to retrain my mental thoughts and attitudes to sleep.

Over the coming weeks I will share the journey that I went through and hope you will learn from it too. Please enjoy, feel free to comment, and to any other insomniacs and ex-insomniacs out there, please feel free to share real tips and ideas that have helped you.

I am putting together a sleep well coaching programme, if you are interested in this or in working with me 1-1 to help change your sleeping habits, then please contact me.