The Benefits of Insomnia

It seems strange to say but there were a few things that I liked about being an insomniac. Yes, the sleep deprivation and its effects were not good were not good as I was constantly tired and exhausted, the grey circles under my eyes were not a fashion statement and I was always looking for the magic pill to make me sleep but it wasn't all bad, which is why I guess it took me so long to sort it out.

When you are awake in the middle of the night there is this strange feeling of being the only person in the world, that it is all yours. You look out of the window onto a quiet city, no traffic, no people, a silence that you don't normally hear and it seems very refreshing and calming and a time to enjoy the city in a different way.

If there is a lighted window in the distance I can feel some sort of connection with whoever lives there - we are both awake when everyone else is asleep.

I would be able to recall my dreams very easily and because I would wake so many times in the night, I could recall 3 or 4 different dreams in one night. This is something that I really do miss from my insomniac days (or should that be nights?) as now I can only recall one dream a night, so I make the most of lazy weekend starts and try and recall that one dream in as much detail and as far back as I possibly can.

As an insomniac you belong to a club, a club involving 10% of the population. It's something that you may discover in conversation "Oh, you're an insomniac too?" and suddenly you are in a whole different line of conversation that good sleepers can't join in! Now when talking about insomnia I feel like the 'virtuous ex smoker' hanging around in a cigarette break telling people not to smoke, or even worse - that I'm hanging around the in-crowd trying to be cool enough to fit in. I don't quite belong.

Then there is the feeling of martyrdom, of suffering while all those around you are enjoying themselves. "I only had 3 hours sleep last night, but I'll be fine. Don't worry about me." and waiting for the sympathy to pour in. Actually thinking about this, this is probably the one area I don't miss that much. Now that I see others doing it around me - it annoys me. Thank goodness I don't do that anymore!

When I was a teenager my mother was quite ill and often woke in the night and I would sometimes find her awake in the kitchen and we would sit and have a chat over a cup of (chamomile) tea before going back to bed. I used to call it 'Club 2.30'. It was a special time and gave me an opportunity to get to know her as a person rather than just 'Mum'. Memories of her I shall treasure forever.

So, as you can see there have been quite a few benefits for me of being an insomniac and I do miss them and writing this post makes me feel very nostalgic. However the benefits that I have gained from sleeping through the night do outweigh this and I am glad that I made the decision to change to a sleep mindset.

Sweet dreams!